24 de Diciembre 2003

" Free Again "

"It's time to get our groove back; back to life; back to reality
Feeling free; releasing our inhibitions…Time to get our groove back.

Well, memories, they flood the mind;
as the sun, it begins to shine.
Reminiscing on the days gone by;
do you remember those happy times?
Well, I'd give anything to be back there.
We'll just celebrate those happy years, taking time to unwind;
just following your mind and leave your troubles behind.

Go in the power of the positive and higher thing
Feeling a desire to go drifting on a memory.

Oh, anytime we can go there
let our heart and soul be clear.
And if you follow your mind,
your troubles disappear.

So good to be free again, to have a good time.
And I pray this feeling never ends, 'cuz I feel alive…so good to be free again.

Gotta go inside and release the other part of me.
Nowhere else for me to hide. Revelation of a mystery.

Oh, anytime we can go there
let our heart and soul be clear.
And if you follow your mind,
your troubles disappear.

So good to be free again, to have a good time.
And I pray this feeling never ends, 'cuz I feel alive…
So good to be free again, to have a good time.
And I pray this feeling never ends, 'cuz I feel alive…so good to be free again.

So good to be alive again, so good to be free again, so good to be alive…free…

Oh, anytime we can go there
let our heart and soul be clear.
And if you just follow your mind,
your troubles disappear.

So good to be free again, to have a good time.
And I pray this feeling never ends, 'cuz I feel alive…
So good to be free again, to have a good time.
And I pray this feeling never ends, 'cuz I feel alive…so good to be free again.

Vibes…tomorrow will pass; that we all know.
And as each day comes, there's another day that goes, yanno
But ignorance is no shame; it's just blindness to the facts.
But believe, for ignoring it, you're to blame for turning your back.
So, to make the right decision from…hmmm, a thousand voices;
Many that there are, but believe all the choices are few.
So whatcha gonna do? Feel free or be free?
Now THAT’S the question; that the real focus of reality…"

by Soul II Soul circa 1998

20 de Diciembre 2003

" I stand accused. "

I've been read the riot act a few times since I've turned 30. Guess folks want me to know what they really think. I've been called selfish, self-centered, trifling, crass, cold, uncaring and that's just THIS week. And then Keith says, I don't acknowledge him. Hmmmm....add neglect to the bevy of accusations.

Can I defend myself now?

I beg to differ, self-centered, yes. Selfish, no. There IS a difference.

Crass? Ok, so I am working on that.

Cold, uncaring? Depends on the day, and what the hell you've said/done to me. I won't apologize for that.

Trifling? Yea, I know, I know...clearly I have some things to work on.

And lawd knows I care about that man's fragile feelings....he's part of my growing process. Although he forced me to make a decision this week, and I won't know if it was the "right" one, having him to love, inspires me, everyday.

It's been quite a day, a week!! Coming down off my buzz, taking my meds, and going to bed, whew!!
~More to Come~

17 de Diciembre 2003

" Mild depression "

I am self-diagnosed, don't ya just love it LMAO

But I am quite sure it has something to do with all the sun I experienced while on vacation and the gloomy chaos of my world once I returned. So a sista is a tad off kilter, experiencing a range of emotions. But a mental health day or two, a big birthday shopping spree, and a day at the spa, and I should be fine LOL.

My girl is back from Ghana. Whew lawd, her emails of tales from Ghana cracked me the hell up. But she ain't happy to be here. You know how it is, she done went to the motherland, got some mandingo dick and don't know how to act HAHAHAHAHA Done fell in love, among other things, and been a mess since she got on the British Airways plane. Missing her man. I have to chuckle, cuz I completely feel her - been there done that, and have signed up for it again. Lawd, why do we do the things we do.

Quote of the week: "I am working on my crassness." Really, I am. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, that's hilarious. But yea, I'm older now and the things I might have said as a "grown-azz" young person, don't fly as I am trying to be a "wise-azz" old person LMAO All about learning to be tactful, I suppose. This shouldn't be a struggle, should it? But the fellaz test me everyday. The crack about the ketchup bottle? I had to back away from that, it was too easy. I am trying to be someone's wife and some lil folks momma, I gotta learn to be less crass. Yea. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, whew!!

~More to come~

12 de Diciembre 2003

" Peace "

I miss Belize. Truly.

7 days of complete relaxation....isolation from the calls and concerns of my existence. I traded for 80 degree days with bright blue sunny skies with lazily moving high clouds; for lush green forests, cool with shade, full of the life of the jungle -- sounds of the chachalacas, the stares from the iguanas, and the fragrance of the spices and flora; for the dusty relics and astonishing heights of the Mayan ruins, temples, the intricacies of the designs that spoke to the intelligence of people some thousands and thousands of years ago; for sinking into a hammock and letting my toesies sink into fine sand while listening to the waves crash softly against the shore while watching the periwinkle, mauve, burnt sienna, and goldenrod hues of the sunrise; for the brush of black snapper against my leg or the thrill of being surrounded by nurse sharks, or the slimy feeling of a moray eel against my fingertips while gazing at the wonder of coral reef; for a glorious, riotous, disturbing the peace, coconut rum and Belikin buzz filled time with 4 of my most adored friends. Who could ask for more?

Happy Birthday To Me!!!