29 de Febrero 2004

" Chocolate Made Brilliant "

"Chocolate is better in color."

Saw that on an M&M billboard today as I was heading up New York Ave.

I have to say I couldn't agree more ~smile~

And M&Ms are good in any color LOL

~More to Come~

tarde - 22 de Febrero 2004

"I found it...The Pressure, Pt.2 "

"I know, just who to call on, when I need relief I pray...
To help me fight...the pressure, the pressures of the world, ooooh the pressure the pressure...."

In my futile search for the mix tape I have with "The Pressure, Part 2" by the Sounds of Blackness on it, I've been shuffling through tapes I haven't listened to in YEARS. Ok, so that's a lie...I listened to alot of them when Hurricane Isabel hit and there wasn't much else to do without power, nor a hurricane honey, but I digress....

All Seasons - Levert
I Will Always Love You - Troop
Flavor of the Month - Blacksheep
I Do Love You - Bell Biv Devoe
Jackin' for Beats - Ice Cube
Special - Vesta (this be my jam right hea now, luvs me some Vesta!!)
Always - Cherrelle and Pebbles

Back in the day, I guess I was rather fond of love songs...wasn't 'til I got jaded that I picked up this fondness for songs about love lost, but anyhoo LMAO

Still haven't found what I'm looking for, so it's time to make that CD purchase. The BN gift card comes in nicely, especially since Evolution of Gospel is on sale. I will hear what I need to, soon enough.

"I know, just who to call on, when I need relief I pray...
To help me fight...the pressure, the pressures of the world, ooooh the pressure the pressure...."


Da Jams #2 -- I KNEW IT!!! My memory is pretty damn good when it comes to my tapes. I just couldn't find it. Turns out, I'd put it in a different case last time I gave it a listen. So it wasn't where it was SUPPOSED to be. But persistence paid off. I found it.

"I know, just who to call on, when I need relief I pray...
To help me fight...the pressure, the pressures of the world, ooooh the pressure the pressure...."

This has to be circa 1991-92, with some ol' Miles Davis thrown in for good measure cuz he'd just passed:

Make Sure You're Sure - Stevie Wonder
Are You Still in Love With Me - Keith Washington
Loving You is So Easy - 101 North
and a perennial favorite...I, Who Have Nothing - Luther Vandross and Martha Wash

But the last cut on the tape...When Will I See You Smile Again - BBD...yep, that must be when my cynicism kicked in. Been feeling the love lost ever since LOL

22 de Febrero 2004

" The Pressure Pt.2 "

My mom is blowing up my phone.

First call is about some email she sent. Moms, I'm in the middle of something. My responses are clipped and curt...can't she tell?

Second one is about something she needs me to edit -- I am her personal indentured servant, but again, can't this wait?

Phone rings one mo' time and I'm swearing before I even pick it up. She drops THIS on me:

"Your cousin called to inform me she is having a baby on Monday afternoon."

INHALE, EXHALE...deeply.

I know she means well, and meant no harm, but right about now I am REALLY sensitive to such things.

She says: "Thought you'd get a kick out of this, so I had to remember to tell you before I forgot."

I'm gonna chalk this up to Moms wanting my attention right about now, and not let my feelings get hurt because I'm unable to give her the grandbabies she wants me to give her.

And my initial reaction may have sounded really cruel, but I meant no harm either....

Soo...this is baby number 4 in the last 5 years. I had to ask, if she'd see her at all lately and she NOT be pregnant? Moms couldn't say -- which was my point -- but I've asked for forgiveness for that snide remark about my cousin's weight. She didn't deserve that....

But how does she do it? Four different pregnancies. In 5 years. Now she's getting her tubes tied. Guess it's too late to ask her to carry one for me, eh? LOL And she's not quite 30....about where I was a year or so ago. Fluck all the dumb, I'm amazed that her body can sustain that. I'd gone round and round about having no more than 4 in 10 years, and here goes my cousin dropping them in 5. Before I've even started.

I wonder if Moms called my sister...I very much doubt it. She'll be at the hospital come Monday with my cousin. Tell me before you forgot...

W-h-a-t-e-v-a...

The Pressure Pt. 2...where is my Sounds of Blackness tape when I need it most?

20 de Febrero 2004

" I'm allowed.... "

to "grieve" how I want to
...to open my doors wide and blast my music
...to eat whatever the hell I want to
...to put my phone on DND when I am tired of it ringing
...to focus on my "work" when I need to clear my mind
...to let my momma fly across the country to see if I am "alright"
...to let the fellaz take me out
...to taste test the sangria until I taste nothing else (damn that sangria is a mutha LMAO)
...to blame Fe for dragging me to La Tasca to taste test the sangria
...to say no to the cookies, and yes to that bag of carrots!
...to say yes to the M&Ms and no to that fat-free yogurt!
...to fill my springtime with travel, even if it's to places I've been before
...to be a gardner and cultivate new friendships in these places I've been before
...to fall asleep at 6pm and wake up at 2am
...to get my aches massaged, my skin cleansed, my body wrapped, and my toesies and fingers polished
...to go about my living...blessed for each new day, and the opportunity it brings, to do things MY way.

I'm allowed...in my own time, in my own way.

And I'll be o.k.....

15 de Febrero 2004

" I got hit on the left, but the pain still lingers... "

I got hit on the left....but the pain still lingers on the right.

The massage therapist took one look at me and said my back and shoulder muscles were still contorted; my shoulders uneven. Some what, 5 months, later? I ache, I'm stiff, I'm sore and tense. I was broadsided on the left but everything shifted to my right side...what is that all about?

I got hit on my left side...but my right side blew up, well all of me is blowing up. Lawd haf mercy, nothing like a hit to the heart to make one realize what an emotional crutch food can be! I honestly never realized that about myself before. There's been plenty written about the phenomenon, and it's much discussed -- how people turn to food for comfort, knowingly or unknowingly, and how excessive "comforting" if you will, can actually be BAD for one's health -- physical, emotional, mental.

So I had to back away from the coconut cake LOL Neither that extra slice of cake, nor that catfish platter was gonna stop the hurt. Kill my fierceness plan, yes. But make me feel better...buffer my heart? Nah, not a chance.

Time...that's all I've got, that is all it takes. I thought that about these muscle strains as well, but me thinks another deep tissue massage will do wonders. Perhaps even speed up the healing. Touch is such a powerful thing....it does wonders for the body AND for the soul -- the heart, too. A lil more touching and a lil less cheesecake and I'll be good to go, on my left and my right sides!!

~More to come~

11 de Febrero 2004

" Excellence is the enemy of Mediocre...and I must crush my enemies LMAO "

Sooo...I'm combing through our files for sample risk management policies and come across this quote in an article:

"Why let the fact that you are barely adequate in almost all respects depress you or make you unhappy? After all, someone has to be average. It may as well be you."

After a few hearty OMG's and much laughter out loud, I stopped doing what I was supposed to be doing and skimmed through the rest of that article. Other quotes that leapt out at me include:

"Do you strive for perfection? Do you spend countless hours doing and redoing just to get something right?...If so you may be a victim of perfection compulsion, the relentless drive to achieve excellence regardless of the cost in dollars or time. Yet deep in your heart you know that you are not up to the task...Yet you keep trying anyway and as a result you become unhappier and more dissatisfied every day. Now comes a startling revelation--excellence is a sucker's game!"

This quote and plenty others, in addition to making me chuckle, set off a light bulb. I've been thinking this way for at least the last couple years -- no, how long have I been at this job? Make that almost 3 years. I gave up striving for "excellence" because, not only did people expect less, I'd never get anything from it, but more headaches, more work, and we all know I am inherently lazy. Particularly about ish I don't give a damn about. As the author also said: "Accept mediocrity and find peace." My sentiments exactly!!

So yes, this article is probably tongue-in-cheek, but I find it to rather on point. As he stated, "In a world were the bar is constantly being raised higher, where better and faster are the ultimate values, you will learn to cultivate a healthy fear of excellence and come to appreciate that oftentimes, 'just okay' is plenty good enough." Well, I find that to be true more often than not. And while I appreciate that I not much effort is needed to impress anyone, the one critical flaw in this thinking is that constant mediocrity never allows you to fully express yourself. And I find it hinders your growth process. You can't push yourself and test or expand your limits if you let the "I don't really give a damn" attitude go unrestrained.

I think about my team members, one of which is clearly an "excellence striver" and I know I will NEVER be as driven about this ish as she. Nor do I try. As the author stated: "Is our search for excellence getting in the way of real achievement? We love to pat ourselves on the back for doing a quality job, but what do we really accomplish?" This particular team member is notorious for redoing stuff over and over again, and asking for input and buy-in, and I humor her for the sake of my amusement until those days when I've had enough and tell her to just let it fly (that's my mediocrity rising to the top!!) But I say forget excellence, and do what you can because, mediocre wins every time. Who is really gonna check you anyway?

So far, it's gotten me through nearly 3 years of this...sentence, but that flaw in this thinking haunts me because I realize I've wasted 3 years being mediocre and perhaps that is why I really can't pull off this job search with success. THIS place may promote mediocrity, but the rest of the world seemingly hasn't caught on yet, so I gots to get my act together if I am ever to find gainful employment elsewhere and teach them the virtues of shucking excellence!

But anyway, I need to get back to what I was supposed to being doing in the first place -- finding those risk management guides. But let me leave with another hilarious quote from this article:

"Women want mediocre men, and men are working to be as mediocre as possible."

THAT starts a whole nutha conversation entirely ROFLMAO

6 de Febrero 2004

" It looks as bad as I feel...just a mess LOL "

Outside it is truly just a slushy, wet, mushy, icy mess. My lawd, water from the heavens, water on the ground, ice and slush, snow and puddles, everydamnwhere. The power went out briefly this morning and now there's talk of flooding....can I just go home?!?!

And I look as bad as I feel, cuz people keep asking me what's wrong LOL Truth is, I feel the wrath coming on, but so far, that's not what's causing me to look like who did it and ran...this is clearly self-inflicted unattractiveness LMAO I made the mistake of using some new products to clean my skin, and it dried my skin out, particularly harsh around my eyes, and mouth. So I have peeling skin, and it's raw and painful, on my face. My eyelids are sensitive and I really just wanna close my eyes and rest, because my body is tired. My back is still sore from last week's snow removal fiasco. And of course, here comes Aunt Flo, making my legs feel like a ton of bricks. And...since I was stuck waiting on the bus forever the other night, in the below freezing temps, now I feel a cold coming on as well...

And this just really ain't the time...too damn much to do to have a body breakdown right now. But if I can slush my way home, be STILL, undistracted, soothe my skin, and rest, for just a few hours, maybe I can salvage this weekend/week ahead.

Chocolate body butter, and thoughts of planning my next vacation always help....yea, chocolate and sun. Oh I can hardly wait!!

~ More to Come~

3 de Febrero 2004

" Anita, Phyllis...and whether or not it truly is what it seems.... "

So this morning's Juke Joint pits Anita against Phyllis...that's not even fair!!

They start with "You Bring Me Joy..." Damn....did I say this is completely UNFAIR!!! LOL

"If I can't see your face, I will remember your smile....

But can this be right
or should we be friends
I get lonely sometimes
and I'm mixed up again
'cuz you're the finest thing I've seen in all my life
You bring me joy...."

Then they hit me with "Old Friend"....why oh why oh why!??! LOL

"Old friend, this is where our happy ending begins
Yes, I'm sure this time that we're going to win
Welcome back into my life again..."

It's always amusing to me when I come across someone that "looks" familiar. And even more hilarious when I realize it's an admirer from my online escapades. Coming face to face, unscripted, unintentionally, always give me pause. It's when I put all the pieces together, their photos, their comments, their online persona if you will, and measure that against what is standing in front of me that I tend to realize the digital hides that what is apparent in the real world. The brotha had a lazy eye. All over his head. Not sure where he was focusing. I just smiled, went and found a seat on the train....who woulda thunk it? Thinking to myself, what is not apparent about me digitally that is all too real offline?

Phyllis won... she's definitely a DC favorite...."Can't We Fall in Love Again?"....something like that....

~More to Come~